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Picha ya miujiza na takatifu

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Posti nyingine

A STORY would you stop to listen?

Here is a lady disembarking from a matatu, she drops something unaware and a shabbily and dirty dressed boy picks it up.

soma zaidi kuhusu STORY would you stop to listen?

A Nia yako isishindwe

Nimejifunza jambo kubwa sana ambalo sote tuna lijua nalo ni "NIA".
Nimemtazama mwendesha pikipiki anaiwasha pikipiki kwa muda mrefu kwa kupiga kiki kwa kurudia rudia, akiamini lazima iwake ili aende anakotaka kwenda. Anajaribu kuwasha kwa kiki ikikataa anajaribu kwa starter, ikigoma anajaribu kuchomoa plug na kuangalia kama kuna tatizo, anajaribu tena na tena mpaka inawaka, anaanza safari yake.

soma zaidi kuhusu Nia yako isishindwe

A Hyu dada wa kazi ni bora kuliko mke, mume mvumilivu sana

MUME: darl ninakikao mkoani kesho naomba niandalie vitu pls
MKE: dada zile nguo za baba pmj na soksi ulifua?
DADA: ndio nimepanga kabatini.
Mama anarudi chumbani na kumuomba hubby wakacheki TV sebulen, lakn baada ya muda mama anamuita dada akapange suruali kadhaa na mashati kwa ajili ya safari ya kesho, dada anapanga kila kitu anatoka.
MKE: kama tayari hakikisha unarekebisha yale mashuka pale kitandan weka na maji bafuni.

soma zaidi kuhusu Hyu dada wa kazi ni bora kuliko mke, mume mvumilivu sana

A Huu ndio mlolongo wa michepuko kuwahi kutokea kati ya mke, mume mwanafunzi na boss

BOSS anamwambia sekretari wake: Wiki hii tutaenda wote Serena Hotel kwenye mkutano fanya mipango yote.
SEKRETARI (anamuaga mumewe): Tunaenda na bosi Serena hotel kwenye mkutano for 1 week.
MUME (anampigia mpango wa kando): Mambo safi, wife anaenda kikazi Serena, jitayarishe tujipe raha for 1 week
(Mpango wa kando) anamwambia mwanafunzi wake wa tution: wiki hii nina kazi fulani hakuna tution mpaka week ijayo.
MWANAFUNZI anampigia simu sugar daddy wake ambaye ndo (BOSS): Dear hakuna tution wiki hii nakuja kwako…..

soma zaidi kuhusu Huu ndio mlolongo wa michepuko kuwahi kutokea kati ya mke, mume mwanafunzi na boss

A Unaweza kushare maneno haya kuntu kwa vijana wote ambao hawajaoa na walio kwenye ndoa

1. Mwanangu, mwanamke anaweza kuwa mkeo, mwingine anaweza kuwa mama wa watoto wako, lakini ukipata mwanamke ambae atakuwa kama mama kwako, mama kwa wanao na mama kwa familia, tafadhali mwanangu usimuache huyo!

soma zaidi kuhusu Unaweza kushare maneno haya kuntu kwa vijana wote ambao hawajaoa na walio kwenye ndoa

A Where to look for business opportunities

(1) They can develop/evolve as a result of your personal background including your previous jobs, hobbies and personal experiences, or
(2) From opportunities in the external environment or general market place

soma zaidi kuhusu Where to look for business opportunities

A KAMA ULIZALIWA BAADA YA MWAKA 90 HAYA AMAMBO YALIKUPITA

KAMA ULIZALIWA BAADA YA MWAKA 90 HAYA AMAMBO YALIKUPITA:
1. Kupakwa GV kwenye kidonda
2. Kung'olewa jino kwa uzi
3. Ubwabwa kupikwa jumapili tu
4. Kidonda kuwekwa unga wa 'rangi mbili' a.k.a tetesakrin
5. Kupamba kadi na pamba sebuleni
6. Ukumbi wa sherehe kupambwa kwa toilet paper
7. Kunyolewa kwa mkasi
8. Kufunga pesa kwenye leso au pindo la kanga
9. Wavulana kuvaa nguo ya ndani aina moja nchi nzima (VIP), usiombe ikakatika ukakuta imebana kifua.
10. Ku rewind kanda kwa peni
11. Nchi nzima Kuangalia Movie ya Commando John, Double Impact, Rambo na Bruce Lee..
12. Watoto Wa Mtaa Mzima Kufahamiana sababu ya kucheza Wote Jioni Kombolela na Kibaba..
13. Kuunguzana na tunda ya Ubuyu baada ya kulisugua chini
14. Kukata ndala, ati ni kifutio
15. Kunyolewa msalaba shuleni kisa nywele ndefu
16. Kuweka Vibox box kwenye Shati la shule Mgongoni..draft
17. Kuweka Shati la Shule "Blue" eti liwe maridadi.
18. Ubitozi Ulikuwa ni Kusimamisha Kola Ya Shati.
19. Ukiandika Barua kwa Umpendae lazima uchore moyo na Mkuki na lazima upulizie Pafyumu ya "YU".
20. Hata kama Mlikuwa mmegombana January lakini Mtu anakuambia "Utaipata Siku Ya Kufunga Shule".

soma zaidi kuhusu KAMA ULIZALIWA BAADA YA MWAKA 90 HAYA AMAMBO YALIKUPITA

A Cheki hizi simu za touch screen zinavyosumbua watu

Hizi touch screen zinavyosumbua watu
bidada kanunua cmu mpya Screen touch
Mdada: Bebi mambwo?
Jamaa: Poa nambie
Mdada: Vipw umelalwa?
Jamaa: Unasemaje?
Mdada: Nauliza umelwala?
Jamaa: Mhhhh! Cjalala baby hata ucngz
cna
Mdada: Mim menyew cjalwala kuma mijitu
inapiga kelelwe hapa nje kwetu hadi
inaboowa
Jamaa! Nin?
Mdada: kuna kelwele hapa nje ya numba
yetu usingizwi hakuna kabiswa
Jamaa: hahahaa pole baby
Mdada: Bwebi mbona unanichekwa sasa?
Jamaa: Jaribu kuandika vizuri hunny
Mdada: Hehehwehwe, cunajua cmu
mupya alafu sikirini tachi kila nikibinya
elufi hii inakunya na nyingine. Pwelo
bebwi wangu
Jamaa: Hahahaa haya dia usiku mwema
Mdada: Ulalwe swalama bweibi

soma zaidi kuhusu Cheki hizi simu za touch screen zinavyosumbua watu

A Jamaa kaumbuka!!

Jamaa kapokea simu kutoka kwa mke wake ndani ya daladala
jamaa: hellow hellow ( jamaa akawa hasikii vizuri ikabidi aweke loud speaker)
Mke: Umeweka wapi soksi zako yaani nyumba nzima inanuka.

soma zaidi kuhusu Jamaa kaumbuka!!

A Ujumbe kwako wewe mwajiriwa au uliyeajiri

Kama umeajiriwa au pia umejiajiri ni mojawapo ya njia zinazokuingizia kipato maana wengi wanaanzia hapo mpaka kuja kufikia kule wanakohitaji.
Ila kuna maswali machache ya kukupa changamoto ambayo nataka ujiulize:-

soma zaidi kuhusu Ujumbe kwako wewe mwajiriwa au uliyeajiri

A Jinsi ya kupika Mgagani

Mgagani mkono 1
Mafuta vijiko vikubwa 4
Karanga zilizosagwa kikombe Β½
Maji kikombe 1
Kitunguu 1
Karoti 2
Maziwa kikombe 1
Chumvi kiasi

soma zaidi kuhusu Jinsi ya kupika Mgagani

A Developing Business Ideas and Opportunities

You may have considered the prospect of starting your own business many times before. The thought of being your own boss – calling the shots, being responsible for your own financial rewards – is very alluring. You may have had the drive, the experience, and the financial resources necessary to succeed. The only thing stopping you were figuring out what type of business you should start.

soma zaidi kuhusu Developing Business Ideas and Opportunities

A Wazo la jioni hii

πŸ“’WAZO LA JIONI HII πŸ“’

KAMA MWAKA JANA ULIPIGA HATUA NA HUJAFIKIA MALENGO MWAKA HUU PIGA MSAMBA😝

soma zaidi kuhusu Wazo la jioni hii
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Posti za sasa

A Huyu mama kweli tishio, mpaka askari wameogopa

Askari wameitwa kwenye nyumba ambayo kuna ugomvi. Wakafika halafu ikabidi waripoti kwa simu yale waliyokuta
Askari: mkuu tumekuja hapa tumekuta mama mwenye nyumba amempiga mumewe chuma cha kichwa na kumuumiza sana

soma zaidi kuhusu Huyu mama kweli tishio, mpaka askari wameogopa

A Angalia huyu jamaa anavyojiona msomi, huyu kamuotea, hapa amekwama

USIJIONE MJUAJI SAAAA…NA.
Jamaa kamaliza chuo anarudi nyumbani kwa wazee, kufika
nyumbani. kwa furaha waliopata wazazi, mama aliamua
kurosti kuku WAWILI(2) kwa ajili yao.
Mezani jamaa akataka kuwadhihirishia kuwa yeye ni msomi,
akawaambia "hawa kuku unaona wako wawili ila kwa kutumia
sheria za arthematic na geometric kuna kuku watatu mezani"
mama"hee embu tuoneshe mwanangu"
jamaa akachukua kuku ya kwanza akainua juu "ngapi?"
wazazi"moja" akainua wa pili "ngapi?" wazazi "mbili"
akawarudisha akisema"wazee wangu nadhani japo shule
hamkwenda ila mnajua moja+mbili=tatu so tuna kuku watatu
mezani"
baba"mmh kweli mwanangu umesoma. SASA TUFANYE IVI
MIMI NACHUKUA KUKU MOJA NA MAMA YAKO WA PILI WE
UTAKULA UYO WA TATU ULIYOSEMA"

soma zaidi kuhusu Angalia huyu jamaa anavyojiona msomi, huyu kamuotea, hapa amekwama

A Nimeitoa sehemu

If…
99 is: Ninety nine,
88 is: Eighty eight,
77 is: Seventy seven,
66 is: Sixty six,
55 is: Fifty five,
44 is: Forty four,
33 is: Thirty three,
22 is: Twenty two,
Why 11 not Onety one?

soma zaidi kuhusu Nimeitoa sehemu

A Nipishe huko

Demu: Hny mambo jamani!
Man: Safi nipe habari wangu wa moyo
Demu:Wafanya kazi gani vile wangu?
Man: Ni fundi wa kufunga ATM
Demu: Wow dont tel me i love you myn mwa mwa mwaaaaah
Man: Mbona wafurahia?
Demu: Nami natamani kuja kufanya kazi za kibenki.
Man: Itakua poa sana nami natamani pia
Demu: Hee si umesema wafanya kazi ya kufunga ATM?
Man: Hukunielewa mie ninafunga mashine na za kunulia condom kwenye bar
Demu: nipishe huko

soma zaidi kuhusu Nipishe huko

A Chezea paka wewe, Angalia kilichomkuta huyu na paka wake

Jamaa alichukua paka wake na kwenda kumtupa
mbal,aliporudi nyumban alimkuta paka
amekwisharudi,jamaa alikasirika sana.

soma zaidi kuhusu Chezea paka wewe, Angalia kilichomkuta huyu na paka wake

A MASAI KATISHA

Baada ya kupanda daladala aina ya DSM kutoka Mbagala chalambe mpaka Mwenge na kulipa sh 500.Masai akachukua tax wakati wa kurudi.walipofika sasa shughuli ilikuwa hivi.
Masai: we dureva? Naulisa Ng'ombe na mbusi ipi ngali?
Dereva: Ni ng'ombe ghali Masai.
Masai: kwanini Ng'ombe ngali?
Dereva: kwa sababu ni mkubwa zaidi ya mbuzi
Masai: umepata..na mbusi na kuku ipi ngali
Dereva: ni mbuzi kwa sababu nae ni mkubwa kuliko kuku.
Masai: Umepata..
Masai: sasa me nimekwenda kule mwenge kwa ngali kubwa nikalitoa sh. 500 hii yko ndogo unasema nikupe 40,000 wewe acha wizi.. Nitakupa 250 Tu..wee acha lbia morani…!!!

soma zaidi kuhusu MASAI KATISHA

A Assessing the Viability of the business Idea

An Idea is not necessarily a Business Opportunity: There is one crucial difference between an idea and an opportunity. An opportunity is based on what consumers want. Many small businesses fail because an entrepreneur didn’t understand this.

soma zaidi kuhusu Assessing the Viability of the business Idea

A HATA CJUI NA MIE NDO NAFIKA SASA HIVI

Chizi kaanguka toka kwenye gorofa fasta watu wakamfuata kumsaidia wakamuulza VP IMEKUAJE?
Chz akajbu: ''HATA CJUI NA MIE NDO NAFIKA SASA HIVI.

soma zaidi kuhusu HATA CJUI NA MIE NDO NAFIKA SASA HIVI

A How to achieve goals

Set Goals First list down all the goals that you want to accomplish. If you are not sure what you want in life, you are just bound to receive the unexpected. Nevertheless, bear in mind that goals should always be sensible and should be accomplishable. Setting unrealistic goals are of no use. Write the most important goals at the top of the list and number them accordingly. This will help you to focus more precisely. You can strike off each goal once it is accomplished. Writing down your goals will also help you to realize your priorities. Develop Strategies To Achieve Goals Once you have listed your goals, you need to evaluate and develop strategies to complete your goals. For example, if your goal is to shed some extra pounds, your broad strategy should be dieting and exercises. Nothing can be achieved straightforwardly in life. So, you need a particular strategy and dedication to pull off your goals. Have Definite Action Plans Once your broad line of attack is determined, work on your definite action plans. For instance, if dieting and exercising are your broad strategies to your weight loss goal, then your action plan should consist of a healthy diet chart; a healthy way of life, and an appropriate workout routine. Believe In Yourself If you want to accomplish your goals and become successful in life, you have to believe in yourself. All successful men and women today are doing well because they believed in themselves and were confident about their capabilities. If you believe in yourself, then you can accomplish the goals you have set for yourself. Review Your Progress Make sure you are making progress. Review your progress every week to analyze how far you have reached in accomplishing your goals. If you find you are lagging behind, hire a coach, look for help from family and friends, and above all, try to recognize why your goal is not being met. Find a solution to accomplish your goal. Be Self Motivated Self motivation is a must to achieve goals and success in life. Motivational books and CDs are great ways to keep you motivated and will help you to stay focused towards your goals. The more self motivated you are, the easier it is to work towards your objectives.

soma zaidi kuhusu How to achieve goals

A Mzee wa kichaga na hela zake. Angalia anachofanya

Mzee moja alikuwa kila usiku anapita mbele ya bank anasimama,kisha anapiga honi,akitoka askari mlinzi,anaondoka.Hilo jambo likamkera sana askari mlinzi, askari akawa na mvizia yule mzee wa kichaga ,siku alipokuja tena akamkamata, akamuuliza kwa nini unakuja unapiga honi kisha unakimbia? Mzee akasema: Haki ya mungu babaangu , Nina pesa zangu ktk account hapa bank naogopa usilale usingizi ndo maana kila siku usiku napita kukuangalia kama umelala!!
πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

soma zaidi kuhusu Mzee wa kichaga na hela zake. Angalia anachofanya

A Maisha ya Pwani ni Shidaaaaah

πŸ˜†πŸ˜† πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Jamaa kagombana na mkewe, akasusa kula🍽🍨 kurudi kazini kamkuta mkewe amevaa kanga imeandikwa ukisusa wenzio wala ilipofika asubuhi mke akavaa kanga imeandikwa ukitoka 🚢🚢mwenzio anaingiaπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒ

soma zaidi kuhusu Maisha ya Pwani ni Shidaaaaah

A Huyu mwanafunzi kweli kiboko

``Ticha: Wa kwanza kujibu swali langu ataenda Home mapema..John kusikia hivyo....Karusha begi la daftari nje.....` **`Ticha akauliza: Nani karusha begi nje!?!`* `John: Mimi..... Kwa herii Mwalimu......` πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚,πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

soma zaidi kuhusu Huyu mwanafunzi kweli kiboko
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