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My picture Jan 2014

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Posti nyingine

A Wakubwa nisaidieni!!

πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡ Wakubwa nisahidieni.

πŸ‘‰ Sio kila EX ni EXPIRED, EX zingine ni EXAMPLE:
Utanielewa tu.
Ulimwengu huu tunaoishi Muogope sana Mpenzi
wa Zamani wa Mkeo kabla HUJAMUOA na
Muogope sana EX wa Mmeo kabla HAJAKUOA
kuliko hata hawa Vidume na Vijike vinavyomtaka
akiwa tayari amevaa pete.
I will tell you WHY!
Kuna watu walipendana sana lakini hao
waliowapenda kwa moyo hawakuoa kutokana na
Situations fulani mwanamke akalazimika aolewe
na kijamaa fulani tu ambacho kilikuja na sera
ambazo 'wanawake wanapenda' na kako vizuri
financially ikabidi huyu mwanamke aachane na
'Tulizo lake la moyo' kidemokrasia tu aolewe na
wewe.
It doesnt matter how lakini hawa watu wawili
walioachana kidemokrasia "Bado wanapendana
deep down" na hata ukifanikiwa kumuoa,
ukamhamisha mkoa wasionane, Ukambadilishia
namba za Simu wasiwasiliane tena, Itapita miaka
hata 6 hawajatiana machoni ipo siku watakutana
Kariakoo kwenye shopping, zile cheche na hamu
na mapigo ya moyo yataruka upya, na kifuatacho
ITV kitakuwa Isidingo Mapenzi yao hayakufa.
Pete haizuii kitu watajikuta wamefanya yao tena
kwa huba zito la kumisiana kwa hali ya juu, wewe
ukidhani Pete pekee itamlinda, kumbe waapiii, na
huo ndio utakuwa mwanzo wa hawa watu wawili
kuwa na Reunion kabambe ya Kulegeza Chaga,
wewe umeoa ?
Mahari mwenzio anapiga Bureee bila Mshenga.
Kama nadanganya Wanandoa waje na waseme
hapahapa.
Ndoa ni Complicated kuliko Hesabu za Logarithm
na Integration, Ndoa ni Fumbo na walioweza
kulifumbua ni wachache sana kwa msaada wa
Mungu, ila Wengi wanadhani wamelifumbua
Fumbo kumbe wametegwa na hawajui mtego
ulipo.
Ndoa needs God na watu wenye hofu ya Mungu
otherwise "UTAOLEA JIJI"

soma zaidi kuhusu Wakubwa nisaidieni!!

A Mambo muhimu kuyajua katika maisha

1- chumvi ikizidi kwenye wali weka kiazi mviringo kati kati kikiwa kimemenywa chumvi itapungua

soma zaidi kuhusu Mambo muhimu kuyajua katika maisha

A Jiwekee Utaratibu utakaokuwezesha kuamua vizuri juu ya fedha utakazopata

Jiwekee utaratibu utakaokupa uzoefu wa kuamua vizuri juu ya fedha unazopata. Watu tumekuwa tukitumia fedha tunazopata bila kufikiria jinsi ya kugawa ktk matumiz badala yake baada ya kutumia ndio una/ninaanza kujuta Kwa nin nime/umetumia tofauti na mahitaji uliyonayo. Kiasi cha fedha ulichonacho chaweza kukufanya uwe maskini au tajir kutokana na maamuz unayofanya juu ya hiyo fedha. Ukitaka ufanikiwe na ukue kifedha jaribu kugawa fedha uliyopata Kwa mafungu yafuatayo:
A. Sadaka: ndani ya sadaka kuna; a. malimbuko, mith 3:9, b. zaka na c. dhabihu malaki 3:8. Hii inakusaida wewe kumpa Mungu nafasi ya kwanza mth 6:33
2.pia unaonyesha ya kuwa unahitaji msaada na hekima zaid ktk kugawa fedha zilizobaki. Hagai 1:2-11
3. Shukrani Kwa Mungu alivyokuwezesha kumb torat 8:11-20 4. Unaonyesha unahitaj msaada wa Mungu ktk kupata mbinu za kuongeza fedha ktk maisha yako mith 3:9,10. Ktk bahasha hii waweza kuweka 10% au zaidi kutokana na Roho mtakatifu akavyokuongoza.

soma zaidi kuhusu Jiwekee Utaratibu utakaokuwezesha kuamua vizuri juu ya fedha utakazopata

A Jinsi mzunguko wa elimu ulivyo

01.πŸ‘‰ Wale wanafunzi walioongoza
Mashuleni, wanaenda kwenye
Engineering na Medical school.

soma zaidi kuhusu Jinsi mzunguko wa elimu ulivyo

A Kweli tamaa ni mbaya, mke wa mtu kaponzwa na tamaa, ndio basi tena

Jamaa kaenda kwa mke wa rafiki yake:
JAMAA: Shem nakupenda!
MKE: Hebu toka hapa! Je rafiki
yako akijua? tena koma!
JAMAA: Ntakupa milioni 1!
MKE: Basi njoo kesho mchana
mume wangu akiwa kazini!

soma zaidi kuhusu Kweli tamaa ni mbaya, mke wa mtu kaponzwa na tamaa, ndio basi tena

A Huyu bwana leo kapatikana, Jamani nyodo nyingine mbaya

Baada ya kumaliza Degree yake ya sheria Bwana Rwegashora aliamua kurudi nyumbani Bukoba mjini na kufungua ofisi yake kwa ajili ya huduma kwa wateja.
Siku moja akiwa ndani ya ofisi yake alimuona mtanashati na mdada mmoja mrembo anakuja ofisini kwake akajua ni mteja anamletea kesi.

soma zaidi kuhusu Huyu bwana leo kapatikana, Jamani nyodo nyingine mbaya

A Kichekesho cha babu

BUBU MMOJA ALIULIZWA JINA
LAKE.
AKAJIBU KWA ISHARA: AKASHIKA
KOO
NA uume wake. MKALIMANI
AKASEMA
"HUYU ANAITWA KO MBO".
AKAULIZWA
UNAKAA WAPI. BUBU AKAVUA
NGUO NA
KUONYESHA sehemu yake ya tolea
aja kubwa MKALIMANI AKASEMA
"HUYU
ANAKAA HUKO KUNDUCHI".
AKAULIZWA
KWENU WANAONGEA LUGHA GANI.
BUBU
AKASHIKA KISU NA AKAMSHIKA
DADA
MMOJA SEHEMU ZA SIRI, DADA
AKAWA
MKALI NA KUTAKA KUPIGANA NA
BUBU. MKALIMANI AKASEMA
"HAPANA DADA
HUYU ANA MAANA HUKO KWAO
WANAONGEA KISUKUMA".

soma zaidi kuhusu Kichekesho cha babu

A Angalia kilichonikuta nilipoenda kwa mganga

Usije ukaenda kwa mganga, mwenzako yamenikuta, yani masharti niliyopewa, acha tu,
yalikua hivi:-
1.Jasho la nyoka.
2.Manyoya ya mende.
3.Sisimizi Shoga.
4.Mbwa mjane.
5.Kuku aliye single.
6.Samaki mwenye miaka miwili bila kuoga
7.Mti wenye ujauzito.
8.Mbavu za Nzi.
9.Nywele za Kiroboto.
10.Mwanya wa Mbu.
Duuh..!! mwanangu kwa hali hii mbona itakula kwako.
Wengine wanasemaga
IGA UFE! Rizik anagawa Mungu tu shetan simuelew!

soma zaidi kuhusu Angalia kilichonikuta nilipoenda kwa mganga

A Mambo yakuzingatia kabla ya kuingia kwenye ndoa

Ujumbe wangu kwako Leo: NI VEMA UKAYAJUA
HAYA KABLA YA KUINGIA KWENYE NDOA:
1. Sherehe ya Harusi ni ya siku moja tu, na Ndoa
ni ya maisha yote.
2. Mwanamume/Mwanamke aliyezoea kuchepuka
kabla ya Ndoa, ataendelea kuchepuka hata baada
ya Ndoa.
3.Upole na ukimya si kiashiria cha tabia njema.
4. Ukikitaka ambacho hakijawahi milikiwa na mtu
yeyote, ni lazima ufanye jambo ambalo halijawahi
fanywa na mtu yeyote.
5. Mungu akitaka kukubariki hukuletea mtu, na
Shetani akitaka kukuangamiza hukuletea mtu.
6. Bora uishi mwenyewe kuliko kuoa ama
kuolewa na mtu hasiye sahihi.
7. Aina tatu za wanaume wakuepukwa:
a) Walevi. b) Malaya. c)Wagomvi.
8 .Kuolewa na Mchekeshaji hakutakufanya uwe
na Ndoa yenye furaha.
9. Maneno matatu yanayojenga amani katika
Ndoa:
a) Nakupenda. b) Samahani. c) Asante.
10. Kupiga punyeto ni kujiharibu.
11. Kuoana kabla ya kuwa marafiki ni kama anga
bila jua.
12. Mafanikio ya Ndoa siku zote ni pembetatu:
Mungu mmoja - Mume mmoja - Mke mmoja.
13. Furaha ya kudumu maisha hutegemea na
chaguo lako la Ndoa.
14. Usioe pesa au mali - muoe mtu.
15. Uchumba uliovunjika ni bora zaidi kuliko Ndoa
isiyo na amani na furaha.
16. Usiweke kipaumbele chako kwa muonekano
mzuri wa mwanamke. Hakuna mwanamke
mbaya, bali anahitaji kupendezeshwa.
17. Mapenzi si upofu. Upofu ni kuoa ama
kuolewa na mwanamume/mwanamke kwa kigezo
tu anakidhi haja zako kingono.
18. Ukiwa rafiki mwema, utawavutia marafiki
wema.
19. Asili ya mikono inayojali ni moyo unaojali.
20. Iepuke Ndoa mbaya kabla haijaanza…

soma zaidi kuhusu Mambo yakuzingatia kabla ya kuingia kwenye ndoa

A Kauzu zaidi ya dagaa!

Mtoto:Baba nitumie pesa ya matumizi huku shuleni hali ni mbaya sana la sivyo najinyonga.
Baba: Huku nyumbani hali ni mbaya kuliko huko shuleni kwahiyo kama unajinyonga utapunguza Bajeti, kopa Kamba dukani kwa Mangi nitalipa nikija kuchukua Maiti yako, Mungu akulaze mahali pema peponi Mwanangu…..

soma zaidi kuhusu Kauzu zaidi ya dagaa!

A Huu ndio mlolongo wa michepuko kuwahi kutokea kati ya mke, mume mwanafunzi na boss

BOSS anamwambia sekretari wake: Wiki hii tutaenda wote Serena Hotel kwenye mkutano fanya mipango yote.
SEKRETARI (anamuaga mumewe): Tunaenda na bosi Serena hotel kwenye mkutano for 1 week.
MUME (anampigia mpango wa kando): Mambo safi, wife anaenda kikazi Serena, jitayarishe tujipe raha for 1 week
(Mpango wa kando) anamwambia mwanafunzi wake wa tution: wiki hii nina kazi fulani hakuna tution mpaka week ijayo.
MWANAFUNZI anampigia simu sugar daddy wake ambaye ndo (BOSS): Dear hakuna tution wiki hii nakuja kwako…..

soma zaidi kuhusu Huu ndio mlolongo wa michepuko kuwahi kutokea kati ya mke, mume mwanafunzi na boss

A Padri Akimbia wakati wa kuungamisha, chanzo ni hiki

Padri alikuwa amekaa katika confession booth kanisani
peke yake.
Mara kukaingia jamaa mmoja akapiga magoti upande wa
pili, akafanya ishara ya msalaba kisha akaanza kuungama
{confess}
"Padri nimekuja kuungama dhambi zangu, leo nimefanya
dhambi kubwa sana."
Padri, "Endelea…"

soma zaidi kuhusu Padri Akimbia wakati wa kuungamisha, chanzo ni hiki

A Huyu mchaga kazidi sasa, angalia anavyomfanya huyu mbuzi

Mchaga alinunua mbuzi akamwambia mpishi Nyama nusu ipike pilau na ingine itie kwenye friza. Kichwa fanya supu, miguu fanya mchuzi chukuchuku. Ngozi usitupe tutafanya mswala, utumbo pikia ndizi na mifupa tutawauzia wenye mbwa. Kinyesi kihifadhi kwa mbolea ya bustani.

soma zaidi kuhusu Huyu mchaga kazidi sasa, angalia anavyomfanya huyu mbuzi
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Posti za sasa

A Stages in the development of a business career

Scanning for opportunities, idea generation, and innovation/creativity.

soma zaidi kuhusu Stages in the development of a business career

A How do you forget?

How do you forget ?
The same qualifications you have, diploma, degree, masters, PhD that which gave you that job you have , are the same qualifications that your friends have too , but they don't have the job you have. How do you forget ?
The same pastor who officiated your marriage and blessed it, today you have even children is the same pastor who officiated and blessed even your friend's marriages but they don't have children and eventually divorced . How do you forget ?
The same prayer you offered to God and God answered you is the same prayer that your friends have been praying, but up to now they haven't recieved any answer and still praying , How do you forget ?
The same road you use to travel to places and safely you reach home, is the same road that many people have died on, How do you forget ?
The same church you go to worship God to and God has blessed you, is the same church that your friend goes to worship God too, but up to now his life is still miserable, How do you forget ?
The same bed you used in the hospital and you got healed is the same bed that your friends used too but they died in there ,* **How do you forget ?
The same voice you have and you can sing songs, you can preach, you can *talk* and so on, is the *same voice* that your friends also had but eventually *stopped singing , preaching* because they had cancer of throat, *How do you forget ?*
The *same rain* that made your *field to produce good crops* and you had bumper harvest is the *same rain* that *destroyed* your friend's fields, How do you forget ? At this end of the year Come back to your God and thank Him for his kindness.
Whatever you have , is not by your power, nor your intelligence, nor your qualifications but the Grace of God
Have a wonderful new year 2017,
Be blessed In Jesus Name !

soma zaidi kuhusu How do you forget?

A Mzunguko wa elimu kiafrikaafrika

01.πŸ‘‰ Wale wanafunzi walioongoza Mashuleni, wanaenda kwenye Engineering na Medical school.

soma zaidi kuhusu Mzunguko wa elimu kiafrikaafrika

A Funny mathematics paper

MATHEMATICS,PAPER 1 P299/2
Time:2:30mins
Instruction: Attempt any four
questions.
ALL QUESTIONS CARRY EQUAL MARKS.
1. You have dated a girl for two years and eventually she drops you for another guy. Calculate the percentage of time wasted (20 marks).
2. You buy airtime for your girlfriend and she calls another guy. Using trigonometric identities, derive the general formula for this kind of love (20 marks).
3. You are dating four girls simultaneously, and each of these girls is demanding a Samsung Galaxy S5 and an Ipad 3 from you.
(a) Plot a graph of girls against the prices of these phones(15 marks).
(b) Using data from your graph, state the estimates of your future poverty (5 marks).
4. You are dating other people's sisters, but you don't want to see any guy with any of your sisters. Calculate the percentage error in your thinking capacity, given that you have 4 sisters and 3 girlfriends. Take Pi = 3.14 (20 marks).

soma zaidi kuhusu Funny mathematics paper

A Dogo mmoja baada ya kurudi shule akawa anaongea na baba yake

Ka ww

DOGO: baba mi siendi tena shule inaonekana walimu hawana uhakika na majibu yao.
BABA: Kwanini unasema hivyo?
DOGO: juzi walisema 3+4= 7, jana wakasema 1+6=7, halafu leo wanasema 5+2=7 sasa huoni kama wanatuchanganya.

ungekua wewe ungemjibu nini

soma zaidi kuhusu Dogo mmoja baada ya kurudi shule akawa anaongea na baba yake

A Vichekesho vya kukuondoa mawazo leo

Jamaa aliibiwa kadi yake ya benk akaulizwa kama ameripoti polisi akajibu "sijaripoti bado, mwizi mwenyewe hamfikii matumizi kama mke wangu.

soma zaidi kuhusu Vichekesho vya kukuondoa mawazo leo

A Angalia huyu bibi alichotufanyia kwenye gari

​tulikua kwenye gari kibao ad wengne mlangon likasmimama kituo kimoja kulikua kuna bibi anataka kupanda​

soma zaidi kuhusu Angalia huyu bibi alichotufanyia kwenye gari

A Hii ndio ndoto ya harusi ya kila msichana anayotamani

GIRL: Baby, hebu niambie harusi yetu itakuwaje?
BOY: Yaani hii haijawahi kushuhudiwa, ngoja nikupe kionjo kidogo tu
GIRL: Enhee…
BOY: Kwanza siku ya kupeleka mahari nitaswaga zizi zima la ng'ombe napeleka kwa babu yako
GIRL: Ooh baby u care..
BOY: Siyo hivyo tu, baba yako ntamnunulia Range Rover Sport na mama mkwe ntampa Range Rover Evoque
GIRL: Baby u are awesome…
BOY: Halagu mdogo wako wa kiume ntampa Prado Tx, na hapo nimesukutua tu mdomo sijaanza kula….
GIRL: Enhee…na sisi??

soma zaidi kuhusu Hii ndio ndoto ya harusi ya kila msichana anayotamani

A Mara simu ikaita msikitini

Jamaa alisahau kuzima simu akiwa msikitini anaswali GHAFLA simu ikaita akaingiza mkono ili aikate, kwa bahat mbaya akaminya cha kupokelea, alipohangaika kuzima akajikuta kaminya laudspika ikasikika sauti 'ETI HONEY UMESEMA NIWEKE KITIMOTO KIASI GANI? πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ™†πŸ™†πŸ™†πŸ™†

soma zaidi kuhusu Mara simu ikaita msikitini
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