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Posti nyingine

A Watu wana vimaneno

WATU WANA VIMANENOπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

soma zaidi kuhusu Watu wana vimaneno

A Angalia kilichonikuta nilipoenda kwa mganga

Usije ukaenda kwa mganga, mwenzako yamenikuta, yani masharti niliyopewa, acha tu,
yalikua hivi:-
1.Jasho la nyoka.
2.Manyoya ya mende.
3.Sisimizi Shoga.
4.Mbwa mjane.
5.Kuku aliye single.
6.Samaki mwenye miaka miwili bila kuoga
7.Mti wenye ujauzito.
8.Mbavu za Nzi.
9.Nywele za Kiroboto.
10.Mwanya wa Mbu.
Duuh..!! mwanangu kwa hali hii mbona itakula kwako.
Wengine wanasemaga
IGA UFE! Rizik anagawa Mungu tu shetan simuelew!

soma zaidi kuhusu Angalia kilichonikuta nilipoenda kwa mganga

A Things are always not they seem

🌽🌽THINGS ARE NOT ALWAYS WHAT THEY SEEM
A guy met one of his school mates several years after school and he could not believe his eyes; his friend was driving one of the latest sleek Mercedes Benz cars. He went home feeling awful and very disappointed in himself. He thought he was a failure.
🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽
What he didn't know was that his friend was a driver and had been sent on an errand with his boss's car!
🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽
Rosemary nagged her husband always for not being romantic. She accused him of not getting down to open the car door for her as her friend Jane's husband did when he dropped her off at work.
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What Rosemary didn't know was that Jane's husband's car had a faulty door that could only be opened from the outside!
🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽
Sampson's wife went to visit one of her long time friends and was very troubled for seeing the 3 lovely children of her friend playing around. Her problem was that she had only one child and have been struggling to conceive for the past five years.
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What she didn't know was that one of those children who was the biological child of her friend had sickle cell and had just a year to live; the other two are adopted!
🌽Life does not have a universal measuring tool; so create yours and use it.
🌽Looking at people and comparing yourself with them will not make you better but bitter.
🌽If you knew the sort of load the camel carries, you wouldn't ask why it takes those gentle strides.
🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽
So be thankful to God for what you have and enjoy it. You never know, someone may earnestly be praying for what you don't appreciate but take for granted.
🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽
GOD BLESS US WITH MUCH MORE AS WE APPRECIATE WHAT WE ALREADY HAVEπŸ™

soma zaidi kuhusu Things are always not they seem

A Huyu mwanamke kazidi sasa

Jamaa: Mambo honey, upo ok?
Mrembo: Sipo ok my dear
Jamaa: Una tatizo gani baby?
Mrembo: Nimetoka hospitali kupima, nna mimba.
Jamaa: Weeh usiniletee balaa hiyo mimba imeingiaje wakati huwa tunatumia kinga?
Mrembo Kwani nani kakwambia mimba ni yako, hebu tuliza mshono huo.

soma zaidi kuhusu Huyu mwanamke kazidi sasa

A Kichekesho cha babu

BUBU MMOJA ALIULIZWA JINA
LAKE.
AKAJIBU KWA ISHARA: AKASHIKA
KOO
NA uume wake. MKALIMANI
AKASEMA
"HUYU ANAITWA KO MBO".
AKAULIZWA
UNAKAA WAPI. BUBU AKAVUA
NGUO NA
KUONYESHA sehemu yake ya tolea
aja kubwa MKALIMANI AKASEMA
"HUYU
ANAKAA HUKO KUNDUCHI".
AKAULIZWA
KWENU WANAONGEA LUGHA GANI.
BUBU
AKASHIKA KISU NA AKAMSHIKA
DADA
MMOJA SEHEMU ZA SIRI, DADA
AKAWA
MKALI NA KUTAKA KUPIGANA NA
BUBU. MKALIMANI AKASEMA
"HAPANA DADA
HUYU ANA MAANA HUKO KWAO
WANAONGEA KISUKUMA".

soma zaidi kuhusu Kichekesho cha babu

A Mara simu ikaita msikitini

Jamaa alisahau kuzima simu akiwa msikitini anaswali GHAFLA simu ikaita akaingiza mkono ili aikate, kwa bahat mbaya akaminya cha kupokelea, alipohangaika kuzima akajikuta kaminya laudspika ikasikika sauti 'ETI HONEY UMESEMA NIWEKE KITIMOTO KIASI GANI? πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ™†πŸ™†πŸ™†πŸ™†

soma zaidi kuhusu Mara simu ikaita msikitini

A Angalia huyu house girl wa mzungu alichokifanya na anachokisema

House girl mmoja alipewa kazi na mzungu mara akavunja sahani.
Mzungu aliporejea,kazin akamuuliza 'what happened to my plate?
House girl akajbu: 'The dog wow wow friji paaa, mchuzi mwaaaa the vyombo pangalapangala the sahan ngelengenjee……the pasuka paaaaaaaa
πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚hadi saiz mzungu bado anasoma dictionary hajui lugha gani imetumika

soma zaidi kuhusu Angalia huyu house girl wa mzungu alichokifanya na anachokisema

A Jamaa alikuwa baa anakunywa, rafiki yake akaja wakawa katika mazungumzo

RAFIKI: Vipi mbona leo huna uchangamfu
JAMAA: Wanawake bwana, mwanamke hata umpendeje atakugeuka tu
RAFIKI: Nini tena ndugu yangu? Mbona shemeji mtu fresh sana
JAMAA: Hata mimi nilikuwa najua hivyo, leo nimegundua kumbe ana siri kubwa sana
ananificha, mi naita huu ni usaliti wa ndoa.
RAFIKI: Nini tena?
JAMAA:Nimegundua mke wangu kumbe anafanya biashara ya kitimoto na hajawahi hata kuniambia
RAFIKI: Kitimoto? We umejuaje?
JAMAA: Leo asubuhi nilichelewa kuamka niliamua nijipumzishe kidogo kabla ya kwenda kazini, simu ya mke wangu ikalia, nikaamua kuipokea, kabla hata sijafungua mdomo, nikasikia sauti ya mwanaume mmoja akauliza, β€œHuyo nguruwe umeshamuondoa?’ Hebu we fikiria nilivyoshtuka, yaani mpaka sasa nashindwa kuamini kuwa mke wangu ananizunguka anafanya biashara ya nguruwe hajaniambia hata siku moja

soma zaidi kuhusu Jamaa alikuwa baa anakunywa, rafiki yake akaja wakawa katika mazungumzo

A Lishe

β€’ Lishe yahusu mafunzo ya chakula na jinsi miili yetu inavyotumia chakula kamakichocheo cha ukuaji, kuzaana na utunzaji wa afya.
β€’ Lishe inajumuisha mchakato wa utoaji virutubishi vinavyohitajika kwa afya, ukuaji, kuendelea na kuishi.

soma zaidi kuhusu Lishe

A KASUKU JEURI

Kasuku alisimama mlango wa kuingia supermarket wakapita wanawake watatu akasema nyeupe, nyekundu, kijani. Wale wanawake wakatatizika baada ya mda wakajua ni chupi walizovaa. Wakasema basi kesho tubadilisheni. Siku ya pili wakapita tena kasuku akasema nyeusi, manjano, zambarau. Loh! Wanawake wakastaajabu sana. Wakasema lazima wamshinde yule kasuku kwa hekima. Wakaambiana basi kesho tusivae chupi tuone kama ni kweli anaona mpaka ndani. Siku ilipowadia wakapita mbele ya kasuku akasema- kipilipili, kipara, rasta…

soma zaidi kuhusu KASUKU JEURI

A Baada ya mwanamke kukataa kufungua mlango angalia kilichomkuta

Walevi hatupendagi ujinga kabisa… Nyumba ya mlevi mmoja nje kuna shimo kubwa la maji bila mfuniko. Siku moja karudi usiku kalewa tooooop, mambo yakawa hivi:

soma zaidi kuhusu Baada ya mwanamke kukataa kufungua mlango angalia kilichomkuta

A Mkaka aliingia kwenye hoteli moja akaketi meza moja na mdada mrembo maarufu sana ikawa hivi

Mkaka aliingia kwenye hoteli moja akaketi meza moja na mdada mrembo maarufu sana;
MKAKA: Samahani dada sijui saa ngapi?
MDADA: Nani kakwambia saa yangu ndio ya kuangalia kila mtu?
MKAKA: Samahani sana….jamaa akachukua Galaxy yake akapiga simu….aise saa ngapi saa hizi? mi ndio nimeingia toka USA nataka kurekibisha saa yangu ifwate muda wa huku. Na wewe uwahi kuchukua iPad nimekuja nazo tatu tu za zawadi. Halafu ntafutie mtoto mzuri nimumwagie midola niliyokuja nayo, ok ciao tuonane badae.
MDADA: Kaka samahani saa hizi ni saa…..
MKAKA: Achana na mimi wewe

soma zaidi kuhusu Mkaka aliingia kwenye hoteli moja akaketi meza moja na mdada mrembo maarufu sana ikawa hivi
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Posti za sasa

A Madhara ya nyama nyekundu kwa mtu mwenye VVU

Hizi ni nyama zitokanazo na samaki, kuku, ndege wa aina zote, bata, wadudu

soma zaidi kuhusu Madhara ya nyama nyekundu kwa mtu mwenye VVU

A Wanawake wavumilivu jamani

KUNA WANAWAKE WAVUMILIVU HUKU DUNIANI MFANO HAKUNA….

soma zaidi kuhusu Wanawake wavumilivu jamani

A Utoto raha..!

Leo nimepulizia Air Fresh yenye Harufu ya Pilau nyumbani kwangu sasa watoto wa Jirani wamehamia Mlangoni kwangu ndio wanacheza hapo. Kila nikitoka wananisalimia. Mama yao ndio kanimaliza kabisa nimetoka akaniambia
"Kumbe wewe ni Mpishi mzuri, Hongera"

soma zaidi kuhusu Utoto raha..!

A SWALI LA KIZUSHI

Wewe ni mzazi mwanao anasoma kidato cha tatu mkoani umemsafirisha leo kwenda shule baada ya masaa matano ukasikia gari alilo panda mwanao limepata ajali wamekufa watu wote upo ktk harakati za kuandaa msiba mwanao anakupigia simu baba/mama mimi mzima sijafa mpenzi wangu ABDUL aliniambia nishuke Chalinze ili niwe nae kwa siku mbili alafu niende shule je, wewe mzazi unge mfanyaje mwanao?

soma zaidi kuhusu SWALI LA KIZUSHI

A Sipendi ujinga. Cheki nilichokifanya

Nimeingia chumban nikakuta panya wamekula dawa yangu ya minyoo, Na mimi nimechukua yakwao nikanywa. Sipendagi ujinga mm!!😏😏😏

soma zaidi kuhusu Sipendi ujinga. Cheki nilichokifanya

A An infant rejoice in the presence of the Lord

β€œMost blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb. And how does this happen to me, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? For at the moment the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the infant in my womb leaped for joy. Blessed are you who believed that what was spoken to you by the Lord would be fulfilled.” Luke 1:42b-45

soma zaidi kuhusu An infant rejoice in the presence of the Lord

A USIPITE BILA KUSOMA HII

Siku moja jioni katika mji flani, kulikuwa na basi likisafiri kutoka mji huo kuelekea mji mwingine. Lilikuwa ni basi kubwa na limejaa abiria. Wakati wakiendelea na safari, ghafla, mvua kubwa iliyoambatana na radi ikaanza kunyesha. Dereva hakuogopa, wala abiria, wakaendelea na safari. Mara wakati wanaenda, radi ikaanza kufuatilia gari. Kila wakienda, radi inapiga karibu na basi kana kwamba inalifuata basi. Likisimama, radi inapiga pembezoni mwa basi. Dereva kuona hivyo, akasimamisha gari mita 5 kutoka kwenye mti… Akawaambia abiria, "Humu ndani ya basi, kuna mtu ambaye leo ni siku yake ya kufa, tena kufa kwa radi. Ili tusife wote, nataka kila abiria ashuke akaguse mti ili anayepigwa na radi, apigwe wengine wasife kwa ajili yake. "Abiria wakitetemeka, wakaanza kushuka mmoja mmoja. Unaenda unagusa mti , kisha unarudi kwenye basi. Abiria wote pamoja na dereva mmoja mmoja, wakaenda, wakagusa mti na kurudi bila dhara lolote! Akawa kabaki abiria mmoja tu, ambaye alikuwa hajagusa mti. Abiria wote kwa macho ya hasira wakamwambia akaguse mti. Akawa anaogopa kufa. Akagoma. Wakamlazimisha kwa nguvu sana na kumtoa nje……. …….. Yule abiria akiwa amefumba macho, akaenda akagusa mti. Hamadi bin Vuu! Radi kali sana ikalipiga basi, abiria na wote waliokuwamo, wakafa palepale. Kumbe uwepo wake ndio ulikuwa unazuia abiria wengine wasidhurike na radi.

soma zaidi kuhusu USIPITE BILA KUSOMA HII

A Jamaa aliokota wallet

Jamaa aliokota wallet, alipofika nyumbani akapiga simu kwenye radio station

soma zaidi kuhusu Jamaa aliokota wallet

A Dogo huyu nae!!

Dogo: mama hivi malaika si wanapaa?
Mama: ndiyo wanapaa, kwanini umeniuliza hivyo?
Dogo: nimesikia baba jana anamuita dada (housegir) malaika wangu, kwa hiyo nae atapaa?
Mama: ndiyo atapaa kuelekea kijijini kwao kesho, pumbavu zake.

soma zaidi kuhusu Dogo huyu nae!!

A Omba omba sio barabarani tuu

Boy:- baby ivi nikifa utakuja msibani? Girl:-ntakuja ukinitumia nauli. Hapo ndo unagundua kuwa sio kila omba omba yuko barabarani. πŸ€’πŸ€’πŸ€’πŸ€’πŸ€’πŸ€”

soma zaidi kuhusu Omba omba sio barabarani tuu

A What is a Business Plan?

A business plan is a blueprint of your business. It is a detailed plan from which all other plans should be developed.

soma zaidi kuhusu What is a Business Plan?
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